Are you sick of people trying to pay you for your work? Are you tired of increasingly long lists of job requirements? Will you do anything to avoid the word “adjunct” from appearing on your CV? Then you should consider applying for the position of “Volunteer Professor” at Southern Virginia University!
Tempted but not yet convinced? Wait, there’s more!
“In exchange for their service, the university provides volunteers with complimentary apartment-style housing and five meals a week.” That’s nearly one meal per day!
“In addition, volunteers are welcome to participate in the full life of the university attending concerts, recitals, plays, athletic competitions, and student life events. They are also welcome to use the library and recreational facilities.” These generous benefits will help keep their bodies and minds in shape in the absence of health insurance!
“On weekends volunteers enjoy visiting historic sites in and around Virginia, including Monticello and Civil War sites, Williamsburg and Washington, DC.” (Assuming that they spend their evenings begging for money to pay for these excursions!)
“At least once a month volunteers gather for a Family Home Evening or pot-luck dinner.” (Applicants should be advised that fruit obtained from the dining hall during their five weekly meals does not constitute a suitable pot-luck contribution – please see the above note about begging.)
“Inquiries and applications may be mailed to Provost Madison Sowell, 1 University Hill Drive, Southern Virginia University, Buena Vista, VA 24416, or sent by email attachment to firstname.lastname@example.org. Preference is given to those who can volunteer for at least two semesters and whose specialty coincides with one of the teaching areas listed above.”
Many will enter, few will win, though by entering some will have already lost.
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