To the faculty of Sweet Briar College, behold the four-page list of job requirements for a full-time Assistant Professor of History at Lansing Community College. (Don’t worry, it isn’t just the humanities – the requirements for their other positions contain most of the same ridiculous language.) If you don’t have time to open the linked PDF document, check out the required Professional Qualities and Abilities from page four:
- Serves as a role model of good written and oral communication skills and good time management skills.
- Possesses a positive attitude; able to see good in self and others.
- Shows flexibility including the acceptance of and willingness to change; sees change as an opportunity for growth.
- Seeks improvement over time by taking risks and trying new things.
- Knows and acknowledges personal limits.
- Displays self-discipline and a strong work ethic.
- Accepts responsibility for professional and personal growth.
- Demonstrates commitment to be a productive and supportive member of the college community.
- Successfully organizes, executes and follows up on projects; sets specific objectives and measures to achieve results.
- Accepts criticism gracefully and uses it as an opportunity for growth.
- Handles conflict effectively.
- Inspires others; sets an example of professionalism both within the college and the community.
- Leads and/or follows as circumstances require.
These are real requirements for a real job, not something made up by The Onion. I think that my favorite is the last one. Combined with the other requirements, they are essentially saying, “we want the perfect faculty member, who knows what to do in all situations and, in the event that we decide that they are not doing the right things, knows that they were wrong and quickly starts doing what we say to do instead.”
While some of these are just ridiculous, I’m more concerned by the fact that institutions feel the need to spell these things out in a job ad rather than communicating them through mentoring, at orientation, etc. Attending commencement, for example, is probably expected at many institutions, but it seems that LCC expects a situation to arise where a faculty member says “Oh, I didn’t attend commencement because it wasn’t in my job requirements,” so they put it in the job requirements. College students typically complain about faculty treating them like high schoolers. Nothing good can come of treating the faculty that way.
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[…] …These are real requirements for a real job, not something made up by The Onion. I think that my favorite is the last one. [Leads and/or follows as circumstances require.] Combined with the other requirements, they are essentially saying, “we want the perfect faculty member, who knows what to do in all situations and, in the event that we decide that they are not doing the right things, knows that they were wrong and quickly starts doing what we say to do instead.” […]
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