Rob Delaney breaks down the events of “Last Friday Night”

As somebody who likes to break down the events of songs and TV commercials and somebody who is lazy, I enjoy when others do the analysis for me. Because of this, I was thrilled to see that Rob Delaney at Vice.com has tackled Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night.” Thrilled, at least, until I actually read his analysis and thought about the song. Before reading his analysis I’d heard the song and seen the video, but I’d never given much thought to the lyrics. That, I suppose, is the danger of catchy pop songs about party rape. Reading the whole thing doesn’t take very long, but here are a few excerpts from Delaney’s analysis:

There’s a stranger in my bed

Uh oh! Already scary. You should know everyone in your bed with you. Rape is already a possibility, unprotected sex has almost definitely occurred.

…

Is this a hicky or a bruise?

Hold up! There’s a huge difference. Also, in the video for this song, the hicky’s on your neck. Did the aforementioned “stranger” punch you in the neck while raping you?

…

It’s a blacked out blur

This is serious. Blacking out can be a symptom of alcoholism. Most people don’t black out. Do you display other symptoms? Call me.

But I’m pretty sure it ruled

You are a terrible detective with limited to no self-respect.

Beyond the fact that all of these things are seen as normal and depicted in a video that is intended to be humorous, I think the contention that “it ruled” is my biggest problem with the song. Artists like Katy Perry are perpetuating the idea that young people must drink alcohol to the point that their ability to make decisions is obliterated in order to have a good time. This idea surely contributes to the party culture, and accompanying sexual assaults, that exists on college campuses across the country. I’m pretty sure this doesn’t rule.